I had already planned on running this morning. In fact, I was going to take a quick jog around the pasture even before we milked the cow. But as I made my way into the barn, I remembered I had just bought horse feed and needed to dump the bags into the containers in the feed room. As I did this, all the animals- the horses, dogs, chickens and the dairy cow- looked at me so expectantly and noisily! that I didn’t have the heart to leave them hungry until I returned from my run. So Thadd and I did the chores first.
I noticed that our oldest horse, Mercy was not at the barn, as she was usually, waiting to be fed. This was so unlike her as she was normally the most vocal of our four horses, neighing heartily any time she saw one of us come toward the barn. I knew she was the oldest of our horses and so genuine concern grew within when I whistled the two tones that call our horses: a low note and then another a fifth higher, and she didn’t come. We had opened up our lower pasture so the horses and the cow could graze there, so I went running down the road, past the creek to see if Mercy was in the pasture beyond the creek.
We were given her by a man we met a farmers market a couple summers ago. He gave us three horses, actually, and this one was so shy and fearful of people that no one could catch her. She was scared of men in particular because earlier in her life she had been mistreated, so Jason and our friend hid in the bushes as I coaxed this timid creature into a corral with a bucket of sweet feed. It took me over an hour of luring her in and during that time, in the hot June heat, I took to calling her Mercy and the name stuck.
As I got across the bridge and looked into the pasture, Mercy was nowhere to be found. I climbed over the gate and ran into the field and through the woods and over the creek, whistling the two notes and calling her name. When I got across the creek and up the muddy bank, I found what I was looking for. There she was, nibbling on acorns by the bee hives, as healthy as could be.
I went over to her slowly, held out my hand and touched her nose. I was relieved to see her well.
I straddled the barbed wire fence that separates the middle pasture to the back pasture and climbed over. I continued my run around the back pasture, pondering the significance of what I had just witnessed.
Sometimes life seems too much to bear. At times it hits me hard and I don’t see it coming. The weight of just doing my normal activities of being a mom and meeting needs combined with the burden I feel for loved ones who are dealing with difficult and painful circumstances can bring me to a place of deep weariness. I’ve felt that recently. The needs. Oh the needs of so many hurting people! I think it’s called Compassion Fatigue where we are so sucked into the drama of other’s lives that it consumes us and exhausts us. Depletes our resources and our joy.
I remembered that I don’t have to hold the world together. A friend told me recently that her mom would occasionally remind her, “Don’t take yourself so seriously. It’s okay to go read a book.” That was such a freeing thought to me. I can pray hard and intercede on behalf of others, but the outcome is not up to me. I don’t have to shoulder the weight of it all! And as another friend said, “We just bring them to Jesus.”
Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Hebrews 4:16
Christ’s precious blood has opened the way so that we can enter the very throne room of God Almighty and plead our case and our loved one’s before Him. As His beloved children!
And when we go looking for Mercy, she will be found.